I Got A Gift!

 

God gave me a gift. It’s a gift I asked for.  It’s a gift I prayed for.  It’s a gift I desperately needed.  I wasn’t expecting to get it quite so soon. And I definitely wasn’t expecting to get the gift in such abundance.

The Lung Transplant Coordinator as well as the Appointment Scheduler that were working with me both wish I would have asked for this gift earlier.  The girl that works with the apartment where we will hopefully stay in Dallas wishes it would have come earlier.  My sister who had to put up with me during my week of testing wishes it would have come earlier.  And oh how Don wishes I would have asked a LOT sooner.

The gift?  It’s patience.

Without this gift, there are a few things that would have been different.  I would not have been able to relax and enjoy a week with my daughter.  A whole week!  Of course that included her family so what could have been better?  I would not have been able to enjoy an afternoon with a dear friend from high school.  I would not have been able to spend a long weekend talking late into each night with another incredibly special friend, laughing, crying, remembering.  I would not have been able to enjoy the time spent with my mom as she celebrated her 85^th birthday. I would not have been able to relax as Don and I spent some much needed time along with a priceless conversation as we talked about how all this has affected our relationship.

Without the patience God recently gave me, I would have been much more anxious just waiting for the phone to ring. I would be spending every minute with the phone in my hand, my heart racing every time it goes off.  I would be sitting at home with the car backed up to the front door and the engine running.  I would be just a bit grouchier than usual because I am ready, NOW, and what exactly is the holdup here, folks?  I mean come on, I would be shouting I'M READY NOOOOOW !!

But WITH this gift? I can keep thinking of things to add to my packed bags.  I can think about the projects I want to do while I am recuperating in Dallas. I can gather my supplies for all the things I want to do.  I can try to get the piles of paper on my desk organized and put where they really belong.  I can get ready to leave my home (and my bed?) for 3-5 months.  (Wait…this is a gift????)

In truth, I am handling this waiting much better than anyone expected.  I mean, it’s only been 23 days since I got the ‘I Am On The Transplant List’ call.  Some people wait 4 years for the ’Come To The Hospital Now’ call (in the future, I will refer to it as just ‘THE Call‘), but my Lung Coordinator thought there would be no more than 6 months of waiting.  And I’m only at 23 days?  What do I have to be impatient about? Well, I’m really kind of ready to get on with a different phase of life. I’m ready to quit spending so much time sitting.  I’d sure like a deep breath of air. I’d really like to go for a walk and still be able to breathe. I’d like a really good laugh without the worry of running out of air. I’m really kind of hoping I will be ready to get back on the tractor by spring. I'd like to actually 'swim' in the pool when it gets warmer. And I am definitely hoping we can have the grandkids again this summer.  But much much more than all that ... I am praying that my Dad’s health holds out. 

In reality, I can live with all those things whether the lungs come my way or not.  I constantly look at those who suffer so much and I constantly give thanks for MY Truly Blessed life.  But thank you for indulging me in a little bit of self-reflection. And, I do have my list of what I’d like you to pray for:

1.  My dad’s health.

2.  My mom’s ability to handle the stress she is living with of watching Daddy’s decline at the same time she sees my struggle.

3.  For God to be preparing the family who gives me a new life.  I want to know that they know God.

With love and thanks,

Nancy

 

 

His Work of Art

HIS Work of Art
I have packed my bags, arrangements with Care Flight are finalized. When the call comes, I am ready to go. 

I have also had a few days to process where I am. That time has been somewhat limited due to a visit with Stacy, Shane, Grace and Jeremy, the Colorado kiddos.  But grandkids are definitely the best kind of wonderful distraction! They were here when I got the ‘You are on the list’ phone call and they presented me with a super special Survival Kit they had prepared.  Such sweetness!!  We were also able to spend some time with my mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law, so my processing AND my Facebook time has not been at the forefront of activity (and that's not such a bad thing!).  Hence, there have been very few acknowledgements of the tremendously supportive comments, nor has there been a lot of time for the swirling-around-in-my-head-scenarios-that-I-need-to-stay-away-from.

What I do know is that these pictures somewhat define what is going on inside my head.  The top picture is of a fabulous blown glass sculpture in the lobby of one of the UTSW facilities.  The other is a close-up of part of that sculpture.  You will immediately be able to see what I am referring to.  There is this striking piece of art … but then look at all the details that are required to get it where it is.   Please realize, art is all in the eye of the beholder, right?

And the moral of this story?  So simple.  I AM going to feel like that incredible piece of art, but what is it going to take to get to that point?  A mind that is going in multiple directions, blowing up at the strangest times, never really looking like it knows what is going on, but all coming from a single source of support and then magically, after hours of painstakingly detailed work from lots of different sources, coming out as a magnificent work of art. 

Ok, so that might be taking it a step too far.  But I think you get the idea.  I can’t define it, I can’t describe it, I can’t imagine it.  I can only live it.  Live every moment until that phone call comes that says it’s time.  And then we go and start the work of putting it all together, all with the especially unique support that Don brings, as well as the dozens of others it will take for it to stand straight, tall and be a work of art.  And with God holding tight to all those wild crazy pieces that look so random,  knowing where they all fit to make this HIS Work of Art ... oh yeah, I can't wait to see what He is creating!

So, I am again asking for the help you have offered:

1.       Prayers for the phone call that says it is time to go start this process (or for our patience   while we wait!)

2.       Picture the piece of art that takes patience to assemble.  Pray for that process.

3.       Prayers for the foundation that is required before this process can even begin.  Yes, I am referring again to the family who will have to make that extremely difficult decision to let go.

Once again, we thank you for the phenomenal amount of support that has been expressed.  And I continuously thank God for YOU as well as for this amazing life He has given me.

Nancy